I’m not one for getting super personal. Okay, maybe on occasion I do, but it’s mainly about my writing and not my personal life. But I’ve got to admit something… I’m a socially awkward, anxiety ridden nerd. Like on an epic level. If you met me in real life, you’d see it. I hate talking to new people or making small talk. I guess that’s my inner introvert coming out.
It’s hard to explain to people sometimes that being an introvert and having social anxiety/awkwardness are two VERY separate things. Just because I’m an introvert, doesn’t mean I don’t like to socialise or be around people. The truth is I don’t like crowds of people or being in large groups. I prefer one on one conversation with others. I love to talk, but I also find being around people socially for too long exhausting. That’s what makes me an introvert.
The other stuff? The social anxiety? That’s different. It’s like a paralysing fear that when you say something, people will think you’re an idiot for it. Now, I know I’m not an idiot. I’m smart and capable, but my anxiety doesn’t care about that. It reminds me of when I was a teenager and people use to make fun of me because I was different. I wasn’t like them. As the years went by, I learnt they weren’t worth my time, energy or effort. I felt sorry for them. People who make fun of your differences are just insecure inside. They feel the need to lash out at the world because of their own fears about themselves. So now, I ignore it when anyone makes fun of me or gives me a hard time for being different. There’s also the fact that I just really don’t care what people think about me. I’m not here to please them. I’m here for me. That’s it. And yet… even so… my anxiety still remains. Most days I manage it, but sometimes it gets the better of me, just like everything in life.
I don’t talk about my personal life often, but I’m also not putting on an act online. What you see is what you get. Yes, I’m an author, but I’m also a girl who loves to read and get lost in other worlds. A girl who loves to listen to music all day, every day because it inspires me. My favourite TV shows are ones like Supernatural, The Boys and my guilty pleasure is Ex On The Beach. I’m a gamer. I adore RPGs such as Mass Effect, Dragon Age, The Witcher, Red Dead Redemption but I’m also into Grounded and most recently, Spirtfarer. I spend way too much time watching YouTube videos about books, games and everything in between when I should be writing.
The point of all of this is I’m a nerd and I’m happy to admit that. I like being one. I’m not afraid to be who I am. And if you’ve got an issue with that? Well… you know where the door is 😉